Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Come share oat with me in your robe
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
