I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
