Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
