I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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