look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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