Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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