I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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