it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
