Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just had sex bonerless
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
