I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
