Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
