Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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