I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
