My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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