You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
