I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
