we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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