everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
