yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
