just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
honey bunches of taint.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
