God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
