Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
