oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
