i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
