The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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