Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
