Tell her she can't have a vagina
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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