PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
