I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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