How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
