I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
