so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
