Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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