my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
