I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
