I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
