I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
