you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
