i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
