Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
