i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
