i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
