my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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