Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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