so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
