I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Don't EVER smell your tampon
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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