thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
