Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
