Non-Jews are for practice
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
