i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
