if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
