If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
me + whiskey = a bad person
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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