I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
